Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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