I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He passed out mid-signature
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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