if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
