I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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