I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to align my fucking chakras
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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