Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
