I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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