Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
