im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
