We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
