THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He kissed a someone with a penis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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