i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
