So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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