You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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