can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
