he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
