Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
