I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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