I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
