the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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