im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
