Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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