We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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