We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
