my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
