he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
