Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
