Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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