I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
