i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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