she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
