just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
