Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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