We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
