I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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