so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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