I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
