Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
