just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
