I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
barbara walters just said penis...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And then he peed in my hair
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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