So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
