just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
