why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
