I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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