bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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