i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
