the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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