**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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