Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
