It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
