All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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