i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
