that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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