Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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