That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
