Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
