ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize