Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
