I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
