She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
