I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so let's talk penis.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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