Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
