I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
